


Behind the Fantasy

by elizashaw



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Aliens Made Them Do It, Dubious Consent, F/M, Gangbang, M/M, Pegging, Ritual Public Sex, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-06-05
Updated: 2008-06-05
Packaged: 2018-01-17 15:18:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1392505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elizashaw/pseuds/elizashaw
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Of all the ways Rodney McKay had imagined fucking John Sheppard, and there had been many over the years dating back to the time that the then-Major had sat in the Ancient chair and lit up the universe, never had a single fantasy included both an audience and taking turns with his teammates.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Behind the Fantasy

**Author's Note:**

> Written for kink_bingo prompts 'gangbang' and 'pegging'. The non-con label may not be an exact assessment, but better to over-warn than under-warn. This is at the very least some dubious (coerced might be a better word) consent, and all the characters are aware of that.

Of all the ways Rodney McKay had imagined fucking John Sheppard, and there had been many over the years dating back to the time that the then-Major had sat in the Ancient chair and lit up the universe, never had a single fantasy included both an audience _and_ taking turns with his teammates. Truth be told, most of those fantasies had actually featured Sheppard taking him, and since Doronda those daydreams had been fewer and more often about supplication and penance than pleasure.

He crossed his arms defiantly, desperately hanging onto his steadily shredding composure as he watched his team begin the preparations that had been explained in clear and non-negotiable detail.

"You can't seriously be considering going through with this." He couldn't believe even the Pegasus galaxy could be cruel enough to have their first mission following John's return from bug-man to full human turn out this way.

"Shut up, McKay. You're the one who said these people could give us a lead on a ZPM." Sheppard's hands pulled jerkily at his weapons and vest as he began to disrobe. "Well, with the cloak only buying us who knows how much time before the Wraith figure out Atlantis is still around, a ZPM might come in handy to keep everyone in the city alive." 

"Well, yes, but that was before I knew they were completely insane!" Misery swamped him as the anger in Sheppard's gestures indicated how much he did not want to be doing this but at the same time would go through with it due to that same self-sacrificing determination that had him flying atomic bombs into Wraith ships.

"To their minds, this is the only way to know that John is competent to negotiate with them as a leader," Teyla interrupted. "We must do this or leave and not return."

"Yes, yes, I know that's what they said, but can't we talk about this? Explain to them that we're not...we don't..." Rodney fumbled, gesturing among them helplessly, eyes firmly on the ground in front of him. Hearing the equipment being set on the benches provided and clothes rustling only increased his discomfort.

Ronon's voice rumbled into the silence. "A leader who can also submit is a leader they can trust not to become a dictator. Can't really argue with that."

"You're okay with this?" Rodney gaped in disbelief, cheeks reddening as he took in the expanse of skin Ronon displayed before yanking his attention back to the floor. He searched frantically for an argument that would get them out of this preparation room, fully clothed, and off the planet without jeopardizing their chance at a ZedPM. 

"McKay, we're doing this." Sheppard's hard voice had Rodney wanting to cringe back against the wall. "Now get into that fucking robe or I will have Ronon put you in it."

Believing Sheppard would have no qualms about issuing that order, Rodney swallowed hard and began yanking his clothes off, trying not to think about how exposed he felt. He knew that the flimsy gauze robes provided for him, Teyla, and Ronon would leave little to the imagination. Bad enough that he would be nearly naked in front of his team--a state he avoided as often as possible--but to have others seeing and comparing their warrior's bodies to his scientist form promised humiliation enough to threaten his ability to go through with his part of the ritual.

Minutes later, he trailed a naked Colonel and his robed teammates from the preparation room to the room where the Symbarian elders waited in respectful silence. The fact that none of the elders' explanations about the ritual had been remotely salacious in nature could not contradict the fact that Rodney had somehow agreed to participate in an intergalactic gangbang with the people he had to work with every day and the victim being the man he not only respected immensely but lusted after and possibly loved far beyond friendship. 

"We are honored to share your pledge of commitment between leader and followers."

Rodney bit back a remark about extortion in the name of trade and shifted uneasily as he watched John nod carefully to the six elders seated in a semi-circle at the back of the room before moving to the simple metal table and matching chairs arranged in front of a plain bed frame and mattress. 

Gripping the open front of his robe in an attempt to both keep it closed and still the tremor in his hands, Rodney followed Teyla and Ronon to the line of waiting chairs. He skimmed his gaze over the items on the table, swallowing hard as he took in the variety of offerings and only pulled his attention away when Sheppard came to stand in front of him. 

Suddenly lust rose up to battle with the fear and shame that had colored his perceptions since donning the thin gun-metal gray robe. Though not yet strong enough to elicit the physical response that would be required of him, desire reminded him that he would have John Sheppard's strong body beneath him soon. He blushed furiously as he stared at Sheppard's long toes and arched feet.

Taking a deeply relieved breath, Rodney concentrated on ignoring the quiet murmurs of the elders behind him as John moved down the line of chairs to stand before first Ronon and then Teyla before returning to reach out to Ronon with a remarkably steady hand.

"I invite you into service."

"I accept your invitation and offer my strength."

Rodney blinked. He had dismissed the required vows as ridiculous claptrap when the Symbarians had explained the exchange of pledges. But now, hearing the seriousness in John's invitation and Ronon's offering, he flinched internally as the pledges took on a weight of significance that he had not expected. 

He watched as Ronon stood and slipped off his robe, leaving it draped over the metal chair. Rodney read tension in the muscles shifting beneath smooth skin as John led Ronon to the table and gestured at him to select the items he wanted to use. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply, trying to tamp down on the desire that surged through him at the sight of those two strong male bodies settling on the bed in front of him. He bit his lip as his eyes slid back open, unable to look away from John kneeling at the edge of the firm mattress with Ronon stepping between his feet, running large hands down John's bowed back from neck to ass. 

Rodney's brain screamed that he should not be getting turned on by seeing one of his teammates get ready to fuck another one, and he should definitely not be aroused by John being taken under duress in front of aliens in order to get a ZedPM. 

No amount of arguing could convince his cock, however. He shifted uneasily and tried to find a modest place to put his hands that would both hide his erection and prevent it from getting worse. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Teyla sitting regally still, watching the scene on the bed as required. Hoping to avoid at least one level of humiliation, Rodney had demanded why they couldn't just show up for their own parts and then leave. Really, a bit of privacy wouldn't have been that much to ask. But apparently it had been. If they were a team in battle and a team in negotiation, then they had to pledge their bond as a team. He hoped desperately that Teyla wouldn't notice his arousal, but even that shameful thought was not enough to distract his libido from the slick sounds of flesh sliding against flesh.

Struggling to control his breathing, Rodney watched Ronon's long fingers slide deep into John. Ronon stood with the other hand braced on Sheppard's back, fingers clenching and loosing in time with his fingers thrusting in and out of the tightly clenched hole. Rodney shifted his attention to Sheppard's face, torn between wanting John not to be suffering and wanting not to see him lost to pleasure at Ronon's touch. The taut arch of Sheppard's back might testify to discomfort, and Rodney's inability to read meaning into Sheppard's closed eyes and teeth biting his lower lip frustrated him. 

The low moan that escaped Sheppard startled Rodney. While there were no prohibitions against talking during the act, neither man on the bed had uttered a word beyond the required pledges that initiated the act. He glanced back to see Ronon sliding slowly into John, head thrown back and hands gripping Sheppard's waist. 

Long slow thrusts shifted gradually to short, fast jabs as Ronon raced closer and closer to orgasm. Underneath him, Sheppard shook on braced arms, holding himself up against the force of the pounding. Sweat dripped down both men's faces, and Rodney clamped down hard on the base of his cock, almost grateful for the need to focus on keeping himself from coming as it meant there was no way he could follow his impulse to reach out and lick the sweat from Sheppard's neck on his way to kissing lips swollen from biting. Shame and lust battled inside Rodney once again as Ronon groaned long and loud before slumping forward and catching himself on the bed to keep from crushing Sheppard beneath him. 

Rodney looked away as Ronon moved away from the bed. He winced at the squishing sound of Ronon pulling free from Sheppard's body. Rodney swallowed hard against the lump in his throat, unable to sort out how he felt. He had nearly come from watching Sheppard get fucked. Not only that but getting fucked on a mission in front of aliens who had, in the worst sort of coercion, made it a condition of trading with them. 

So focused on getting his emotions under control, Rodney missed Ronon returning to don the robe and retake his seat. He only noticed that Ronon once again filled the chair next to him when Sheppard's careful rise from the bed distracted him from his internal struggles. Would he be next or would Teyla? The ritual dictated that Sheppard could issue invitations in any order, and the Colonel hadn't enlightened them as to his thinking on the subject before they began. 

Nerves softened his cock with an effectiveness that no amount of angsting over his responses to the situation had managed to. Now was not the time for performance anxiety. Sheppard had agreed to go through with this, and with one down and two to go, Rodney would not be the one to screw up their chances at a ZedPM. The knots in his stomach loosened somewhat as he realized that he was not going to be put to the test just yet.

"I invite you into service." Sheppard's controlled voice and steady hand extended the offer to Teyla.

"I accept your invitation and offer what wisdom I have." Teyla dipped her head and rose to follow John to the table. 

Pathetically grateful for the new worry that distracted him from watching Teyla slip into the harness of the strap-on dildo that would give her the ability to perform the required penetration, Rodney frantically searched for a word that would describe what he had to offer Sheppard when his turn came. The ritual required that they offer something of themselves that would be of value to the leader. Ronon's strength, his ability to survive and destroy his enemies, made sense to Rodney. The team had relied on Ronon's strength more than once in dangerous situations. Teyla's wisdom, while not always heeded, held enormous value for people still new to the Pegasus galaxy, and Rodney knew that Sheppard and Weir both had expressed gratitude to Teyla for sharing her experience. 

Not long ago, Rodney would have considered the question of what he had to offer a no-brainer. Obviously his brilliant mind, being the best in not only one but two galaxies, made him valuable. But Doronda had proven how much of a liability that trusting in that brain could really be. Sheppard had trusted him to know what he was doing with the Ancient weapon and instead Rodney had not only destroyed most of a galaxy but nearly killed himself, Sheppard, and the entire crew of the Daedalus. He had destroyed Sheppard's faith in his brilliance, so he could hardly offer that as any sort of worthwhile pledge, at least not until he managed to prove beyond doubt that his brain was a benefit and not a potential threat.

The sharp elbow in his side refocused Rodney on the present, and he scowled briefly before turning his attention to the bed where Sheppard had once again knelt on hands and knees, this time in the middle of the bed with Teyla kneeling naked at his side. Questions of what to offer flew out of Rodney's mind as he raked his eyes over Teyla's tawny back and thighs. She knelt on the bed with her back to them, her torso leaned over Sheppard's sweaty back and her arms stretched out as she gently ran her hands from Sheppard's tense shoulders to his hands clenched on the bedding. Rodney could make out only the sibilance of whispers as Teyla spoke in a low cadenced voice. 

Jealousy pricked as he wondered what she was saying that had John slowly sinking down on the bed to rest his elbows on the mattress and brace his forehead on his folded hands. He realized that he had been fortunate in the silence between Ronon and Sheppard that forced his attention purely on the primal physicality of the two men's bodies rutting in a dance of power and grace. Teyla talking to Sheppard and Sheppard's response somehow made the act more about intimacy than about the give and take of bodies. 

With quick movements, Teyla moved between Sheppard's thighs and ran a thumb over the still stretched hole. Rodney echoed the shudder that ran through Sheppard as he imagined the sensitivity of being touched there so soon after being thoroughly fucked. Arousal spiked through him once more as Rodney watched Teyla deftly slide lubricant over the dildo that protruded from between her legs. He wondered briefly if the strap-on was a whole new experience for her. Questioning Ronon's experience with men hadn't even occurred to him, but somehow he doubted Teyla, decorous, grave Teyla, had ever donned a strap-on dildo and pounded into any of the Athosian men. 

One hand unconsciously grasping his cock, Rodney watched with wide eyes as Teyla pressed forward, sinking the silver dildo into Sheppard. He stifled a gasp at the unexpected eroticism inherent in the dissonance between her swaying breasts with their peaked brown nipples and the jutting phallus between her legs. The image might never have occurred to him in the past, but he had no doubt it would become part of his regular library of jerk-off fantasies in the future. Maybe the addition of a strap-on would reinvigorate some of those overly familiar sex-with-Sam masturbatory images. Hmmm, maybe Sam and Teyla together, one dildo in his ass and another in his mouth. 

Rodney dragged his attention back to the scene before him, shaken by the realization that as hot as that would be, it had nothing on watching Sheppard's body pressed into the mattress here and now. 

Guilt pressed at him, but less urgently this time, as he reminded himself that he should not be getting off by watching his other team members fuck his team leader. Lust spun through his veins, centering on his throbbing cock as Sheppard submitted to Teyla's slow rhythm. 

Balanced with one hand braced on Sheppard's back, she allowed him a measure of control over how deeply and how rapidly the dildo sunk into him. Her other hand slid underneath the base of the dildo, moving in quick tight circles between her legs. Rodney nearly groaned aloud as he heard Teyla's breaths coming in shorter and sharper pants. He wrapped his finger and thumb in a brutal ring around the base of his cock to keep from coming with her when she gasped and stilled before allowing Sheppard to slide forward off the dildo.

Attention jarred by Sheppard's movement, Rodney stared at the Colonel's form hunched over on the bed and trembling lightly. He wanted to move to the bed, to put his arms on sweaty shoulders and hold Sheppard and gentle him through the presumed aftermath of his orgasm. He forcibly reminded himself to sit still until he was invited to move. To do otherwise could invalidate and make meaningless everything that that rest of his team had done so far. 

Rodney swallowed as he considered that he could still be the one to screw this up for them, and he so desperately did not want that to happen. The thought of letting them all down was bad enough--and a familiar fear--but what motivated him even more strongly was the desire not to be left out, not to be the one who had to stand outside the bonds that had been formed between Teyla and Ronon in their willingness to obey Sheppard's command and over the sharing of Sheppard's body, not to mention the bonds that formed between each of them and Sheppard with such heated intimacy. 

Unwilling to lie to himself, Rodney recognized that he didn't have the same gravity and reverence for ritual that the Pegasus galaxy seem to instill in its inhabitants, and his abrasive personality and tendency to argue caused frictive rather than harmonious interpersonal connections. But he wanted--god, how he wanted--to be included in this, to be part of this ritual in this time and place with these people. The inanity of bonding over fucking Sheppard almost tipped his panicked yearning over into highly inappropriate giggling, but watching Sheppard sit up and exchange the formal head-bowing gesture of the Athosians with Teyla dried up any urge to laugh. 

They were done. That left only Rodney. He gripped the edges of his robe in clammy hands, his erection confused between the terror of getting this wrong and the desperate desire to sink into Sheppard. 

Long moments passed as Teyla unbuckled the harness straps, placed the dildo on the table, and returned to her seat. Rodney shifted in expectation, but Sheppard remained on the bed, taking slow deep breaths.

Hearing the murmuring that started up among the elders behind him, Rodney began to worry that maybe he wouldn't have to perform after all. Maybe the trust that had broken on Doronda, the trust that he hadn't had time to earn back yet, dammit, would prevent Sheppard from even asking him to participate. Rodney knew, despite Sheppard's laid-back approach to life in general and his pragmatic and stoic acceptance of this particular ritual, that the Colonel would be taking these pledges seriously. 

The charge in the air that had ignited when Sheppard extended the first invitation to Ronon hadn't been only sexual, and Rodney doubted that the deep connections forged on this mission would not rapidly fade or be forgotten. What he didn't know, as the minutes lengthened, was whether he would be included, and part of him recognized that if he wasn't, it was no more than he deserved both for his protests over going through with the pledging and for his larger sins of basically being the arrogant, petty man that he was. Arrogant and petty had no place on a team where people needed to trust one another with their lives on a regular basis.

Disappointment surged into physical nausea as he struggled to accept Sheppard's judgment. He heard the elders behind him shifting in their chairs and knew they were coming to the conclusion that the team consisted only of three. He hoped that they would let him get dressed and return to Atlantis as quickly as possible. Waiting alone in some separate room while the others negotiated for a ZedPM would be more than he could handle.

Lingering arousal flamed by images from all that had gone before kept him hard, despite the humiliation. He dreaded the thought of walking back to the prep room with his dick sticking out of the front of his robe. 

Refusing to let the suspense draw out any longer, he swallowed down the pain in his heart and forced himself to look at Sheppard. Rodney had little hope that he could hide his burgeoning despair from Sheppard's keen eyes, but he refused to slink out of the room in shame. Just because Sheppard didn't think he had anything to offer or didn't want what he did have to offer didn't mean that Rodney couldn't still be of value to Atlantis. At least, that's the response he gave to his traitorous heart as it stood on the verge of shattering into more pieces than had that ill-fated solar system that had broken so many people's faith in him.

Rodney got ready to stand as Sheppard left the bed and headed toward them. He expected a gesture that would have them all trooping back to the ritual room. Instead, Sheppard stopped resolutely in front of him. 

"I invite you into service." 

Sheppard's voice held no overt animosity, at least, and Rodney fumbled for an appropriate answer.

"Er, right. I accept your invitation, and offer my life." 

As Sheppard's eyes widened, Rodney reviewed what he had blurted out without thought. He blushed and raised his chin. While he may not have planned it out in advance, he hadn't said anything that wasn't true. He knew he would give his life to save Sheppard. He might be a bit iffy on sacrificing himself for just anyone on Atlantis, but Sheppard--and, okay, Teyla and Ronon, too--wasn't just anyone. 

Sheppard's solemn nod did little to relax him, but he rose to his feet, allowing Sheppard to slide the robe over his shoulders to fall in a puddle of fabric on the chair behind him. He followed Sheppard to the table where he palmed a small jar of lubricant and ignored the paddles, floggers, restraints, and other items spread across the metal surface. Maybe some other day he would explore his kinks and compare them with Sheppard, but today he wanted nothing more to touch and be touched, not to mention that he doubted he would last long enough to make taking up any of the implements worthwhile. Besides, if there wasn't ever going to be a time other than today, Rodney wasn't going to waste it with any implement that got between him and the man that called so strongly to his heart, mind, and cock. 

Rodney stood by the bed carefully stroking his erection, already anticipating the warm, tight, slickness of fucking. He shoved aside thoughts that this was happening only because a ZedPM and the safety of Atlantis awaited them at the end of it. Right now, he had Sheppard, sweaty, come-filled and brutally aroused, if the purple head of his cock was any indication, waiting expectantly on a bed in a room redolent of sex. 

"Coming?" 

Sheppard's voice, impatient, jolted Rodney from his glazed staring at sweat-slick skin and wiry muscles.

Unwilling to risk communicating any hesitation on his part, Rodney clambered onto the bed, reaching out to touch but then pulling back as he realized that he had been about to pull Sheppard forward into a kiss. Kissing wasn't on the menu, he reminded himself sternly, and he fumbled for the lube, shoving aside thoughts of holding and loving John with his mouth.

Rodney caught the quick grimace Sheppard tried to hide as he rolled to his hands and knees, trying to find a comfortable position.

"Um," Rodney reached out, but stayed his hand centimeters from Sheppard's back. He swallowed, not knowing how his suggestion would be received but desperately wanting to see John's face, watch his face and catalogue his reactions. That quick flinch of discomfort as Sheppard settled on his knees gave Rodney the perfect excuse to make the offer without making it sound like it was for his own benefit.

"Why don't you turn over? On your back? That way your knees and back get a break this time." He spoke hurriedly and kept quiet enough that his voice wouldn't carry beyond the two of them. 

Sheppard sighed and stretched a bit before grimacing once more and nodding. 

Rodney carefully slid back to give Sheppard room to maneuver onto his back, legs spread wide and feet planted firmly on the mattress. He waited until Sheppard stilled before shuffling forward on his knees to settle between those strong, tensed legs.

Biting back the instinct to ask whether Sheppard was okay, was ready for this, Rodney scooped out enough lube from the tub in his hands to quickly coat his rigid cock and then slid his index finger into Sheppard's loosened hole. 

Rodney watched Sheppard's face anxiously for any sign of discomfort or encouragement, but Sheppard's eyes remained closed and his body still and tense. Carefully Rodney slid his finger out and added another, pressing in and making sure the lube spread all along the inside of that hot channel.

With three fingers inserted, Rodney finally located the bundle of nerves that had Sheppard giving a quick jerk before stilling rigidly once more.

"Get on with it, McKay," Sheppard hissed without opening his eyes.

"Right, right. Doing it now." Rodney leaned forward, resting one hand beside Sheppard's ribs and using the other to guide himself through the twitching ring of muscle and into the heat sink of Sheppard's body. He managed to hold back his groan of pleasure as he watched his cock sink deep, but only just. 

Fully seated inside Sheppard, Rodney glanced back at Sheppard's face, disheartened to see the same stoic distance. The lack of response spurred him to pull out slightly before pressing back in, searching for the spot that would send sparks up Sheppard's spine. 

Balanced on one hand, Rodney stuttered his hips in a short in and out movement, and as he aimed for Sheppard's prostate, he reached forward with his other hand to grasp and stroke Sheppard's cock in time with his thrusts.

The first stroke of his hand earned Rodney a sharp arching of Sheppard's back, and he clamped down on another moan at the sight only to gasp in surprise when Sheppard's hand grabbed his wrist.

"Don't," Sheppard growled, eyes suddenly open and flashing with more emotion than Rodney could decipher. "That's not what this is about."

"You don't want...I mean...did I do something...hurt you?" Rodney stammered, shocked into stillness and ready to pull away entirely.

"I didn't want any of this, so I'd appreciate it if you just finished up so we could get out of here." 

Heat bloomed in Rodney's cheeks as shame flooded over him, dousing the ardor that had prompted him to offer as much pleasure to Sheppard as he had been experiencing himself. _Some fucking genius_ , he berated himself, _of course he doesn't want to be doing this._

"Right, sorry." Rodney gulped back the babbling apologies and offers to just forget the whole thing. It was far too late to back out of the pledging now. He carefully leaned forward, this time placing both hands on the bed and trying to touch Sheppard with as little of his body as possible, hating the knowledge that he was for all intents and purposes having sex with an unwilling partner.

 _Raping him_ , his mind helpfully supplied. _That's what it means when you fuck someone who doesn't want it._ Rodney clenched his fists on the bed and closed his eyes tightly, unable to look at the man spread beneath him. No wonder Ronon and Teyla had chosen the more impersonal position that saved Sheppard from having to watch, to look into the face of the person fucking him.

Rodney's heart cracked and he bit back a sob, hating himself more with each stroke, hating Sheppard for letting them get into this ridiculous ritual in the first place. To his further shame, each stroke of his cock seemed to lessen his arousal rather than bring him closer to the climax he so desperately needed to end this mockery of intimacy.

A quick glance at Sheppard's averted face had him searching for another way out, any way out, as coming seemed a remote possibility at this point. Back aching and skin slick with sweat, Rodney tried to maintain his rhythm as he leaned forward to whisper miserably what he hoped would be the easiest way out for both of them. 

"I'm sorry. I don't think I can do this. I'll just...I'll make it look like I've come. They won't have to know what did or didn't happen."

"What are you talking about?" Sheppard glared up at him. "Jesus, McKay, it's not exactly rocket science here."

"Forgive me if I don't exactly get off on fucking someone who doesn't want it, Colonel. It's not like they're checking for DNA. It won't screw up our precious negotiations if I don't manage to commit sexual assault on you." Unable to prevent the tears from rising as the horrible phrase fell from his lips, Rodney blinked quickly and stared down at the dog tags that lay haphazardly against Sheppard's left nipple.

"Shit." Sheppard locked his ankles around Rodney's waist, pulling them tightly together.

Rodney gasped as his cock shoved deeper into Sheppard's body, only to find his mouth taken in a brutal kiss as Sheppard surged up off the bed, clasping one hand on the back of Rodney's neck and the other around his shoulders.

Moaning into the kiss, Rodney instinctively increased the rhythm of his thrusts. Higher brain functions scrambled in the background, trying to comprehend the shift and remind him of what they had just been talking about, but couldn't break through the lust that scorched through his blood. 

Sheppard's powerful legs binding them so tightly together had the added effect of jabbing his cock against Rodney's abdomen with each rocking thrust. Arousal soared higher as Rodney panted into the sloppy, open-mouthed kiss that Sheppard refused to let him break.

A swell of emotions rushed through him as Rodney felt his orgasm unexpectedly pulled down his spine and out his cock, pumping pulse after pulse of hot come into the tight body surrounding him. He groaned and had enough presence of mind to press his sweat-slick stomach harder against Sheppard's straining cock, grateful beyond measure when he felt it throb and spill between them.

Almost before they were finished, Sheppard loosened his hold and flopped back on the bed, once again averting his face when Rodney leaned forward to give him a final sated kiss.

Confused and feeling a hurt that he knew would only deepen the longer he remained connected to Sheppard, Rodney carefully slid free and backed off the bed. Without waiting for Sheppard, he turned and moved back to his place, shrugging on the robe quickly and wrapping it around him.

He avoided making eye contact with Teyla and Ronon, wanting only to get out of the room and preferably off the planet as soon as possible.

The Symbarian elder who had spoken at the beginning of the ritual came forward to address them, aiming his words at Sheppard, who had hauled himself to a sitting position on the edge of the bed. 

"We honor your pledge, and we will gladly begin negotiations at tomorrow's dawn. Until that time, your room has been prepared." With a graceful bow, he and the remaining elders left the room.

"I guess we're done here." Sheppard stood and headed back toward the preparation room with Teyla and Ronon following, exchanging concerned glances. Rodney spared one final glance at the bed before trailing after them.

When they had finished dressing and had gathered their equipment, Sheppard nodded Teyla and Ronon toward the door that would take them to their accommodations for the night.

"Give us a minute."

A nod from Teyla and a shrug from Ronon marked their acquiescence, leaving Rodney alone with Sheppard.

Rodney crossed his arms in front of him, projecting impatience. "Look, it's..."

"Shut up, McKay. Just shut up for a minute, alright?" Sheppard rubbed the back of his neck and stared at the floor for long moments, leaving Rodney's anxiety free reign to build up a head of steam.

"Why?" Sheppard finally spoke, worrying Rodney further with the lost quality of his voice.

"Why what?"

"Why your life?" The answer came back coated in anger.

"That's what's got you all pissy? You are aware that we've all put our lives in your hands on more than one occasion, right? This can't be news to you." Rodney aimed for, and admittedly fell short of, his usual scorn for morons who asked questions unworthy of his attention. 

"Yeah, when there's no other option! Not on a regular, ongoing basis. I wouldn't, I won't, ask that of anyone. Ronon's strength and Teyla's wisdom, those aren't the same thing. What the hell were you thinking?"

"Please, it's not like this has to mean anything." Rodney forced the words out, needing to give Sheppard a loophole not only for the pledge, but for all that had happened in the last few hours. "We did what we had to do, for the mission." 

He couldn't bring himself to meet Sheppard's eyes, knowing that he would betray his desolation at both brushing off his offering of trust and relegating their physical intimacy to little more than mutual masturbation. 

"No, you don't get to brush this off, McKay."

"Why not? It's not like you wanted my cock up your ass any more than you want to accept my offer of trusting you with my life."

"You fucking asshole." Sheppard sat down tiredly on one of the benches along the wall of the room, making Rodney cringe once more at the wince of pain that flashed across his features when his ass hit the hard wood.

Rodney's defensive anger drained away in the face of Sheppard's exhaustion. "I'm sorry. I know this whole situation is my fault, bringing us here and pushing to get a ZedPM. I didn't mean to screw up and say the wrong things in there, but I thought the last thing you would want from me is my less-than-trustworthy brain, and I hate...god, I just hate that I've ended up giving you one more reason not to trust me on your team anyway." 

Bitterness swept through him as he considered that between Doronda and this mission, he could very well be looking at spending most of his time in the labs instead of off-world in the future—and with Zelenka watching every experiment over his shoulder, most likely.

"Jesus, McKay. I trust you, already, okay?" Sheppard leaned his head back against the wall, scrubbing his hands over his face.

"Then what..." Rodney pushed the words out past the confused hurt that kept pummeling new bruises into his heart.

"Two things." Sheppard spoke harshly. "First, I don't trust me to keep you safe. Fuck, Rodney, I came so close to not getting us out before that weapon fried us along with the solar system."

"But you did. I nearly got us killed, but you kept us safe. I trust you." Confusion lessened as Rodney realized that he hadn't been the only one staggering along under the guilt of failing. Not that he agreed with Sheppard's assessment of the situation, but at least his inability to bridge the distance between them made a bit more sense when he added this bit of insight.

"And the second thing?" Rodney demanded, unwilling to dwell further on the disaster that was Doronda. He unconsciously held his breath, waiting for the next shoe to drop as Sheppard stood and paced agitatedly in front of the bench.

"The second thing," Sheppard said firmly, coming to stand directly in front of Rodney, "is that I did want your cock up my ass." 

Rodney blinked, trying to make sense of the words. He inhaled sharply as Sheppard trailed the back of his knuckles down Rodney's cheek before allowing his hand to drop away.

"I just didn't want it to be because you had no choice about doing it. And I certainly never wanted the first time with you to have an audience and a line-up of Teyla and Ronon batting first."

"Oh." Rodney tried to stifle the grin that threatened to bloom across his face. "Really? You thought about that? I mean, with me?"

"Yeah," Sheppard breathed, stepping closer. "Did you?"

Rodney reached out to cup Sheppard's cheek in his large palm, nodding seriously. "Oh, yeah." 

They leaned together, lips parted in a slow, gentle kiss so very different from the way that they had eaten at one another's mouths in near battle so recently.

"John," Rodney sighed as they moved into a clinging embrace.

Sheppard nuzzled at Rodney's ear before whispering, "So we're agreed that next time we find a bed without the spectators?"

"Mmm, does that mean ditching Ronon and Teyla as well?" At Sheppard's affronted attempt to disengage himself, Rodney grinned impudently, "'Cause they were really kinda hot!"

"Only if you're the one on bottom, next time," John retorted. " It may look hot, but I'm gonna be sore for a week."

"Uh," Rodney shuddered at the thought, "maybe that would be better off as a fantasy?"

"Yeah, I'm thinking maybe it would." John grinned and leaned in for kiss that surrounded Rodney, driving fantasies and any other thoughts away as he enjoyed for the moment having all things right with his world.


End file.
